When old habits hang lifeless.

The balloons still hang in the kitchen. It was over 2 months ago that we celebrated Luke's birthday with colorful decorations. They look deflated, a little lifeless. They have become so familiar that I didn't even notice them anymore, until today. It's like the way I live life - I get stuck in the same manner of relating to those I love, lacking patience, getting frustrated, revealing the lifelessness inside of me. It becomes normal, I don't even see it anymore. Having time away to reflect and be poured into this weekend gave me a different perspective. My heart got refueled with life and vision. I walked away feeling firm, robust on the inside. Reentering the familiarity of my home I started to notice my critical attitude rising up because something I thought was important hadn't been taken care of; I noticed the harshness of my tone with the children and the way I passively try to "get away" by sitting in front of the computer. The habits ingrained, unnoticed before, became apparent - obvious to me. They cause dissonance in my home and I am looking at everyone else wondering why there is a lack of harmony.
I find myself girding up on the inside looking for new habits to replace the old, dead ones. I gaze at the kitchen again. The vase of flowers on the table breathes fragrance through the room. The balloons distract from the beauty of these blooms. I need to tear them down, just like I need to tear my old habits down and put beauty in their place.


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